360 Seconds - Grandma's Plate

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Grandma’s Plate

A 360 Second Residency • May 29th, 2020

At the end of May, we put a call out for a flash 360 second residency for the last weekday of our CSA theme on Food. In NYC, the city was still under quarantine. It was also the week of George Floyd’s brutal killing in Minneapolis and cities were newly on fire with the rage of centuries of brutality and racism.

We decided to put out a call to connect to memory and lineage– to connect to our histories as we reflect on where we stand today.

Food keeps us grounded to place, lineage, circumstance. Food and memory are often braided together in the same breath. Revolutions have begun over the price of bread. Feuds have started over cannoli recipes and whole peoples have been killed over fertile land, sugar and spice. Most delicious things have complicated origins. Yet what feeds us out of necessity and what feeds us for the pleasure of eating intersect across cultures and time. Grandmothers have often held history not of books but of the lived day to day– in what is on the plate.

The directions were simple: Take six minutes to write about a dish your grandmother would have made or eaten, real or imaginary.

Here are some of the reflections:

 

Tina West

My grandmother cooked like she wanted her Black card revoked, and I’m so jealous of all the Black kids who talk about their grandma’s collardgreensgritscornbreadhamhockcobblersblackeyedpeashoppinjohnchitlinssweetpotatoespotatosaladfriedchicken. But I did get to eat mulberries right off the bush in her backyard. And one year, we made vanilla ice cream from snow. And I liked how she made my eggs, runny with lots of hot sauce.

 

 

JK Lilith Canepa

She made rugelach and blintzes. My mother never taught me how to do either. Well yes she did. But my mind was elsewhere, wherever it goes. So here's my re-creation:

Rugelach - we called them horns. You cut the dough into rectangles or maybe wavy rectangles and put poppy seeds inside. See my relationship to the poppy goes back generations. Or was it jam? And twist and roll them into little cornucopia (cornucopi?) copae? and bake them. However long.

Blintzes - well, I didn't like eggs as a kid or tomatoes. My favorites today, go figure. Another rollup food. And I didn't like farmer cheese either. But the blintzes, oh so good.

And Grandma Nettie, my father's mother, she who must be obeyed - see she's connected too because she now grows in my garden with all her prickly power - she would fry chicken skin with the fat attached till it got crispy and we would gobble down the grebenes sometimes with little feather hairs still attached. Or the fat itself on matzoh, lots of salt. How did they make it into their 80s? How will I? Oy!

 

Deepti Zaremba

Great Grandmother Lydia:  “We are not strong because we had to be;
we are strong because we are."

Two Recipes: Just Because

  • Dandelion Wine

  • Wild Blueberries, sugar and flour, a thick glass pie plate, a generous butter crust -- baked into a delicious jam pie

Dandelion Wine comes from Hazel Van Woort, my five-times-great grandmother. She was a brewer and ran an inn with her husband on Long Island near Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada. Her recipe for Dandelion Wine was so important my great-aunt (grandmother’s sister) wrote it down three times in her hand-made cookbook.  Of course, there were barely any measures, and it was never specified — dandelion flowers? or leaves?

I found dandelion leaves at Russo’s (farmer’s market) and made two batches of wine.  Pretty horrible, unless you mixed it into heavily sugared strong black tea.  Then the miracle of a spring tonic opened up, as it forced energy to flow through all the channels.  

Blueberry pie — the tiny tiny wild blueberries that grow everywhere in New England and eastern Canada.  Great-Aunt Lena was lucky not to lose her pail or wet her pants as she backed away, downwind, and then fled home, away from the bear.  All creatures love blueberries.

My mother sent me out with Aunt Lena’s pail, and 10 year old that I was, I ate most of the berries before I got back to the cabin.  I felt so ashamed when I realized Mom had fired up the wood stove, prepared the butter crust, and was just waiting for that tart, sweet, bounty to fill the whole family.

Through these two recipes I have learned the wisdom of the grandmothers:  the earth is generous; it is important to share.

 
 

Patricia Miranda

My grandmother Emenigilda Eugenia Glorinda Fungaroli Miranda had two signature dishes that were a bit different than your typical Italian fare. Her family was from Sud-Tyrol, in Northern Italian Alps, in Trentino Alto Adige. The most important one was Nonni's rice (Nonna for grandma, affectionately Nonni in our family). Instead of pasta, she cooked rice in chicken stock and served it with her homemade tomato sauce. We would flatten the tomatoey rice into a circle and eat it in quarters like pizza. We had pasta too, lasagna, eggplant, ziti, but Nonni's rice was her main fare. The other dish was Canederli in Brodo. These were dumplings with Italian salami in chicken broth, a Tyrolean dish. The taste is so particular, if you don't have the right salami it just isn't right. Nothing else tastes like it. Canaideles were always served first before the past or rice, then the meat and vegetables. Ciao Nonni.

 
 

Alex Gray

Nell Silk. According to the few precious photos she was wiry, birdlike, always moving, doing for others - or so I imagine. Hell, she raised seven children; there’s no way she wasn’t a tornado of movement with arms always full of cascading tasks. I imagine her in the kitchen, cooking for the family while shooing away any child who bothered her, who came in to plead their case and held up her work. Asking the older ones to take the younger ones away - please - they are under my feet! And this is a hot. pan. I imagine she made a nice pie and mash or Sunday roast. That she’d do a fry-up on a weekend or a nice piece of fish on a Friday, carefully selected at the local mongers. Nell tended to others - that I know. She took food to those in the neighboring streets who couldn’t feed themselves. She shared - portioned out what little the family had by wrapping it in cloth or carving off a bit to give away. Through World War II and the long rationing years that came after, she saved everything: the fat from the meat, the ends of the vegetables, the heels on the bread. I imagine Nell could alchemize magic from those scraps. That no matter how harsh it seemed when she pushed you out to play in the street with the others, when you returned at dusk - hands dirtied, lungs bursting from a come-home-now-or-else sprint down the high street - and stepped through the doorway, you’d be welcomed by a brisk Where’ve you been? Wash your hands and sit down, and then? Comfort. Warmth. The knowledge that any meal placed in front of you was composed with thought and care. If Nell was at home, you knew you were loved.


Dhira Rauch

A fable that might be true.

I imagine she wished more than she made
a dish with anchovies garlic and capers
something she would never eat
to save her breath and her skin- a sure giveaway that she was not only Italian, but Sicilian
dirty until dirty was branded cool by Coppola 
dirty til the blood on the hands was worth more than the grime.  

A pasta made by hand with the old flours- from Ragusa- soft wheat, like frumped hats, and ripe tomatoes, picked in the morning. But she never was able to find tomatoes like that in Chicago in the 20s. Or basil even.  Much less anchovies.

Or a fish she could salt and stick fennel and lemon inside.  A fish so fresh the firmness would feel perverse. Eaten on Fridays of course because of God. But really because it was good.

Better than God, but she’d never say so.  She didn’t cook for everyone the way her grandmother would, because this was America- the freedom to be lonely and have to go work at the House of Fabrics while your husband did errands in a milk truck that sometimes didn’t come home.  Instead it was lamb chops with mint jelly and Jello salad. All the wiggling gelatin of dead hooves.  The real Horse power of America. 

But I imagine in her meal of meals she’d let herself breathe her salty fishy breath and drink red wine til it didn’t matter and eat cannolis and not worry about her frail heart and her half-life in this country, so far from the morning when the tomatoes were picked.


 
 

“My grand food was greasy.”
Natasha Corbie

 

Julia Meeks

Beets.  It's easter season.  There's a honey roasted ham ordered for pick up.  But I'm starting my salvation for my Nana's beets.  Red onion: Raw, pickled. Boiled Beats: whole. Boiled Potatoes: yukon, quartered or eighthed. Carrots: steamed al dente. Green Beans: the same.  FRESH MINT.  It wasn't just the recipe, but the care. The selectivity of each root, every leaf.  The careful salting pinch by pinch, always perfect.  Each vegetable given Its own ritual transformation, cooked to Its own perfection. Not alone in what attention, what care ! it received.  Veggies removed from steam, from boil, left to cool on the wooden board.  Cut when warm.  The dressing marinading the onions– Olive Oil: extra virgin, Red Wine Vinegar: tart, Salt– drizzled over each corner, every peak, every valley, of each hand placed quarter or whole in the deep tray. A stir as if life depended on it.  Because it does.  Fresh mint leaves: whole.  

It's everything. 

*post note: Since my grandmother passed, I have made this recipe three or four times, also for her life celebration to share with the famiglia. A similar beet (and onion only) salad can be found at Brancaccio's on Fort Hamilton Parkway, just ten or so minutes from where she grew up in Brooklyn. Hallelujah.  But still, there's no plate like Nana's. 


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Young Rhee
FLOWER BIBIMBOP

I was born in South Korea and grew up on my grandparent’s farm with my parents and siblings.  They raised dogs, chickens and pigs.  My grandparents had this greenhouse which housed an area for flowers and vegetables. On a Spring day, she would pick fresh flowers such as pansies from the greenhouse. Wash them and place them over a bowl of rice, add thinly sliced Korean lettuce (sangchu) or Perilla leaves (kkaennip) with some chili sauce (gochujang) and add little sesame oil, which she made at home.  A perfect Spring healthy lunch to enjoy with the family.  

A six minute interruption

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360

SECONDS

A Global Interruption

For months, Covid 19 has been covering the globe like a storm. A global pandemic not like anything we’ve seen in a century, it has put a stop to business as usual, including social interactions, cultural events, creative programming and global transportation.

It has been strange to watch it coming, watch how some countries have deftly piled their sandbags and boarded up the windows and some have just expected it to pass over…like the US had…until recently. Here in NYC, the storm is hitting, hard. As one of the most global and dense cities in the world, it is not unexpected. And as always, New Yorkers are responding in all ways, including creatively.

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Nothing is just one thing. World emissions are down. Dolphins were seen swimming in the Venice canals. The earth has gotten a breath for once as the rest of us hold ours. People are seeing finding cracks in the economic and health systems that have always been there.

Here at Holes in the Wall Collective, like many nonprofits, we’ve been greatly affected by the coronavirus. We have had to put much of our programming on hold, including the 360 residencies– so we did a call out for people to do a teensy micro residency this last Wednesday for just 360 seconds. These were the instructions.

Look around where you are. Find----- Something you’ve neglected. Something you’d be proud to give to someone.  Something you could do without.  Sometime on March 25th, find somewhere in your home you can be for 6 minutes comfortably– a nook, a desk, a couch corner, the bathroom, a windowsill. Put the three things in front of you and gather any supplies you'll need. Set a timer for 360 seconds.  You have 6 minutes to work.

Here’s what people did with the time…


Marjorie Morgan• North Hampton, MA

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Deepti Zaremba • Leipzig Germany

Something I have Neglected: Letters I have meant to write for years; a sheet of art paper; knitting

Something I have Neglected: Letters I have meant to write for years; a sheet of art paper; knitting

Some thing I would be proud to give away: A collage I made, a collaged up-cycle beverage carrier, a cup of tea and a nice chat, a shared beverage, community and communication; hear and now / hear and know.

Some thing I would be proud to give away: A collage I made, a collaged up-cycle beverage carrier, a cup of tea and a nice chat, a shared beverage, community and communication; hear and now / hear and know.

Something I can live without: Accumulated stuff, especially books and other media that tend to pile up. Stuff from others that I feel constrained to give shelf space to in order to “honor’ it. (Need more KonMarie Thank and Release!)

Something I can live without: Accumulated stuff, especially books and other media that tend to pile up. Stuff from others that I feel constrained to give shelf space to in order to “honor’ it. (Need more KonMarie Thank and Release!)

Prep for the Residency: notes, diary, pen, all very organized

Prep for the Residency: notes, diary, pen, all very organized

Residency Process: color coding and drawing helps.

Residency Process: color coding and drawing helps.

Links found:  I am always working with other people’s creations; Words!  and the absence of words; projects stopped when words fail or get hard to interpret or translate into messages that move (all meanings of that word!). One of my water bottles has the word LOVE on it.  Bottle was empty, dry, and needs washing and refilling.

Residency Outcome:  “Your own wild words equal a heart gift you can be proud to give.  Your own wild words."


Emily Garfield • NYC

- A small pop-up city built into an index card
(what I'd be proud to give someone)
- A crystal cluster bought from someone who found it
(what I'd neglected)
- A ~18"x24" drawing I'd been meaning to unframe+discard
(what I could do without).

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Linh Truong • Detroit, Michigan

Something I've neglected: sumi brush
Something I'd be proud to give to someone: handmade necklace
Something I could do without: piles of fabric

All three of these items are connected to my artistic practice. The sumi brush represents the lack of time spent on my personal art since moving to a new state. The handmade necklace is part of wearable art I've made with the purpose of gifting to the right person. The piles of fabric I've accumulated over the years represents a hoarder mentality that I've been working on to break. Recently, I spoke with my parents' about their tendency to stockpile supplies, and they reminded me of how my father was born just before the great famine of 1945 in Vietnam when nearly 2 million people died of starvation. Their lives in Vietnam up until 1975 when they jumped on a boat to escape Saigon were defined by fear, death, instability, and a shortage of resources. I am reflecting on how you approach and deal with a crisis has a lot to do with your family's personal history and perspective. I am planning to use my surplus of fabric at this time to make face masks for my local community and those in need.

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Jonathan Newman • Berkeley, CA

The prompts got me thinking about neglect, pride and ownership however I could not identify any "things" that epitomized these qualities for me. I did come up with this: Sometimes I neglect my cat's invitation to play. I would be proud to give my family creative inspiration. I could do without watching TV.



Lory Dell’Anna • Berlin, Germany

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The book is a present for a friend. I wanted to send it to her which I have neglected.

Spreading seeds always makes me proud. How crazy that such a small thing like a seed or a book is holding so much life. I love to live in books; it makes my mind colorful.

The stool is being used exclusively for reading. I could read without it, but it‘s less comfortable. I remember last winter like now, I was enjoying so much staying at home. I spent hours and evenings reading. But now, that I have to stay at home it‘s different.

I will keep the stool and continue reading and spreading seeds.


Amanda Wagner • Salina, KS

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Item one: Neglected
Oh, man. My sketchbook is truly neglected. If I am honest, whenever a new project idea is starting to emerge, sketching feels like a ‘waste of time’ and I end up putting all my energy into (what I envision will be) the final product. Which runs counter to any wisdom from former instructors and mentors. Looking at it gives me a little anxiety. It’s so blank! And full of pressure!

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Item two: Pride
I am so eager for this summer – I have grand thoughts of these babies in full bloom! These seeds (plus 10 or so more) I picked specifically for their dye/ink possibilities. I haven’t gotten too deep into the processes but I’m proud/excited by the experiments I’ve trialed so far: bottling nettle green ink or deep oak brown.

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Item Three: No longer needed
I have a habit of feeling justified because I pick clothes up from thrift stores even though my closet is pretty much already at capacity. Before attending a “prescribed fire” workshop, we were instructed not to wear anything with even traces of synthetic materials. I thought it’d be a cinch but after examining label after label I realized 99.9% of my clothes were made with at least some acrylic, polyester, or spandex. I am getting this strong sense that I want to cull all of it and I am dreaming in wool, cotton, and linen.

I can see how these three items are linked, most definitely. The connective thread being an increase awareness of fiber and its possibilities within art/function. Makes me want to dig deeper, ask questions, make room for more practice.

 

Mikele Rauch • Waban, MA

1. Something i neglected: my taxes.

2. Something i was proud to give someone:
a singing heart i treasured that i gave to my goddaughter Shanta, who i have not seen in 10 years for her 40th birthday

and
a piece of art...

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3. something i could do without:
a chotchke of a musical chord. I will not neglect music, but i can let go of the paraphernalia.

i have not time for another project.
but i will....


Diana Clarke•Pittsburgh, PA

Every morning when the weather is bearable, a word whose meaning in Pittsburgh, nearly always clouded and raw with cold half the year, is flexible, my downstairs neighbor hires someone to stand on the sidewalk in front of our building wearing crushed-velvet robes whose green color is meant to evoke oxidized copper, but which are really more of a mint if I’m honest. (Verde que te quiero verde: in quarantine over and over again I read Natalie Diaz writing about a lover and writing about Lorca.) The stranger on the sidewalk, the lines of whose body I know so well from passing by them every day on the way to the bus, wears a spiky foam crown: advertising for Liberty Tax Services, they are the Lady. Liberty is the name of the avenue I live on, which makes it easy to avoid the implications of the word itself.

The tax office is always empty when I pass by. Sometimes the owner with a cloud of grey hair chain smokes below the fire escape. Sometimes the only other employee tells me to move my car. Today I move my car and I scrape his Lexus, parked right in the spot where I can’t see it as I shift into reverse. The owner assures me from under her thatch that he won’t be upset. He is upset. It is the fourteenth day of quarantine and I am heading to pick up groceries from a closing restaurant distribution center for some friends who can’t leave their houses. I am shaking as I hand him my license; he makes a copy. Outside is stunning, sunny. I regret failing my friends. Even leaving the house I can’t get outside of myself.


Audrey Scott • Butler, PA

I recently picked up making jewelry again (see Picture Two “necklace”), because I spring- cleaned and found my old materials, unused after five years. I have been making jewelry as creative procrastination from my current writing project, which I have been neglecting (see Picture One “notebooks”).

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Originally, I sighed, noted, and accepted this trend as adjustment to more indoor time. However, I have found that one creative work helps to fuel and focus another, regardless of the style or form.

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It acts as a buffer and a visual, tangible break. The writing I have completed has been more clear and inventive. Of course, there has to be balance between mediums, and I hope to shift more energy towards writing now. Usually, I walk to a coffee shop for a break from writing, (see Picture Three “coffee cup”). But coffee shop coffee is something I can do without; it is not a necessity. I have coffee at home to brew.


Laurie Olinder • NYC

I admit- I have neglected to clean my paint water, and now I can see that I’ve also neglected to clean up my desk. I have done a painting that I would be proud to give away- I also see that I could give away as a present some beach stones and some seaglass. This one big rock is not really that great looking and I should probably get rid of it. But haven’t which is why my desk is so full of stuff... it was hard for me to come up with what I would get rid off on my desk. 


And it only felt right to do it ourselves…

Dhira Rauch • NYC


Julia Meeks • NYC

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Sometimes when you look for other people...

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Marriage Bureau

NYC City Hall

New York City. It’s a hotpot of everything. Food. People. Culture. But it’s rare you can go to one place and see it all. A multi-borough mix of drama, politics, family, style, boredom, passion, bureaucracy, true love, blind optimism and the one democratizing way to save money in this city. Weddings have seen their price tag get inflated almost as much as avocados on toast, and they can take months or years to plan, produce, cater and recover from. A City Hall wedding is simple. Like all weddings, you have to get a marriage license, to which you then have 60 days to perform a ceremony. They make you wait 24 hours before you can have your wedding, for the obvious reasons of not finding yourself suddenly married after a few too many drinks, a company dare, a fleeting fantasy. When you arrive at the City Clerk, you go through metal detectors, sign up, get a number, wait to be called, do a little paperwork, wait some more and then have your ceremony. It’s like the Social Security office but as if everyone just had coffee and had more fun with their outfits. All you need is one witness and $25. You can buy flowers inside or out, you can hire a photographer on the steps as you go in, or even a witness, if you forget and happen to arrive with only your potential spouse.

Caits Meissner applied to the 360 residency late last year with an illustrated comix digest project, called New York Strange. Immediately we thought of the City Hall Marriage bureau. We had spent the last third of 2019 trying to place many of our 360 applicants, but found it hard to find matches. That’s the thing when you try to place artists in unlikely spaces. It doesn’t always pan out. But for this one, instead of waiting to get permission from the City Hall, we decided, in a public place where everyone is welcome to wed and witness, we could have a resident be a fly on the couch for 6 hours without making much of a hullabaloo. Caits jumped in and flew with it. Here is her amazing illustrated narration of the experience:

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Anticipation is nipping at my ears along with the January wind when I meet Dhira and Julia of Holes in the Wall Collective in front of the City Clerk office, 10am on a random Tuesday. I’ve been invited into the adventure of an unsanctioned single day artist residency at the New York City Marriage Bureau.

A chill of minor rebellion races my spine—what if someone approaches me to draw their private ceremony? (I hope so!) What if someone tries to kick me out after sitting all day? (I hope not!) Though I know better, city hall weddings still feel slightly anti-establishment. Who is gaming the system today? Who is avoiding a world of wedding industry debt?

Not to say city hall doesn’t have its own stake in the capitalist enterprise…

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But even with price stickers affixed to the images, their merch advertisement wins:

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I am on a quest to find a new column of material for my new vignette comix series, New York Strange, (which publishes monthly through 2020, and I could use some juicy New York material), but today the waiting area of the City Clerk feels more like the DMV than a space of celebration.

As I steal glances, my hand racing over the page, I worry that in my story-seeking I might project onto couples, knowing how easily my brain can spin out into invention. But it is impossible to tell the motivations for nuptials. I suspect some are here for love, some for love+ (healthcare, green card, inheritance), some for just +, which, honestly, is a form of love, too.

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The atmosphere sounds like the drone of coffee shop chatter. Aside from a few photographic juxtapositions of culture, no real stories leap out from the scene. Instead, as I draw, dipping into the meditation of the line, my hand leads to memory. 

Here is why I anticipated joy: 8 years ago my husband and I took to this very room, a little bit giddy, sure, but mostly dismissive. How special could a city hall marriage be?

What we found was a surprisingly moving experience: an officiant who trumpeted out my love’s name with a strong Brooklyn accent (my cousins still love to mimic his effusiveness at family gatherings), a bottle of champagne popped that mom smuggled in, genuine tears between us. Dad signing as our witness. Funny that I can’t remember the process we’d engaged before those brief scenes of union. The rose colored glasses of memory have erased all bureaucracy from the tableau.

And of course, today is not actually a random Tuesday. It is January 28, 2020, which makes it, to the letter, the fresh anniversary of my mom’s death. Nearly to the minute, the residency began at the 10am time slot that marks the terrible call from dad five months ago.

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This Tuesday takes on a different color. I am noticing and drawing and listening to the vague cheers erupting occasionally from some hidden room behind some door and the low level chatter of many languages co-mingling and I am also memorializing my mother. Her head thrown back laughing in a wedding photo eight years ago in a room behind a door. Her arm looped in mine, smiling.

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As often happens when I’m drawing, the day flew. I took no breaks and when the time came, I wasn’t quite ready to pack up and leave. The project I applied to work on still untouched, my sketch book bursting with the texture of New York, but also of my heart.

Beyond personal excitement to spend a day drawing, there is another buzzy anticipation of what the space may offer up, emotionally speaking, and Julia and Dhira are a little wild with possibility, too. Will the love-joy rub off? We take a cheesy moment to beckon good vibes by snapping a photo in front of the giant photo backdrop.

When the duo departs, I settle into my slot on the long green couch that runs the length of the gigantic hall, and scan for the joy we’ve been hungering for. I begin to draw.

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A soothing robot of a woman calls numbers—one for each couple—over the loudspeaker, and— 

 
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As the loud speaker calls out digits in place of names, I’m a little astonished by how many people marry daily in New York City! There are a lot of people.

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I’ve been vocal, to the point of others discomfort I’m sure, about how grief permeates everything, and today is no exception. I momentarily feel a sinking feeling, disassociated, as if floating backwards through a dark hole. But then I hear the woman next to me snap, though joking, to her toddler, “don’t make me beat your ass today.”

Suddenly I am punted again back to childhood, in the grocery store, where a mother is belligerent, smacking her child’s hands. I remember saying to mom, I must have only been eight or so, “why don’t you talk to her and tell her you’re a social worker?” I remember mom’s response clear as day. “That’s just not how it works, sweetie,” she said.

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I see couples from all over the world and remember her reaching towards my partner to learn more. I think about the times my husband and mother failed to connect—quietly, routinely, almost classically—and sadness drapes me. 

But then I think about how they kept trying. How they did love each other. I see patch-worked families reaching across culture, banding together to walk the halls. In the subdued space, it is hard to tell who is happy and who is bearing through it and who is still learning to just show up. 

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That’s how I’ve taken to describing it. How do I feel? I feel... textured. Like a wall painted many times over. Like the skin of the orange I brought for lunch, or the carpet in front of the gaudy cityscape, a backdrop fit for New York City newlyweds, full of grit and DNA, covered in gum stains, as authentic as the sidewalk itself.

During my 360 minute residency, I learned a lesson I seem to remeet over and over and over.
One I am grateful for.

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Check out Caits’ newest release Pep Talks For Broke(n) People, a new comix poetry zine at caitsmeissner.com,
or follow her on instagram at @caitsmeissner.

Afterthoughts:
People get married for all sorts of reasons and it should be noted that some of them are because of social, cultural and legal norms that come from old laws that protected patriarchy, nationalism, religious intolerance, racism... People have fought long and hard to be able to marry who they love, but there are others who feel marriage itself is an antiquated power of the state that we should evolve beyond. And still beyond those that can choose not to wed, there are those that must– to have legal access and custody of their children, to remain in this country, to get healthcare. But no matter where you stand on the issue, there is something that happens in the moment of I do, that makes even strangers and skeptics choke up, even with a city clerk officiating for $25. Of course across the street is the City Family court, where you go to get divorced. Not quite as easy or as cheap. That’s for another day.

Expecting the unexpected • Eliza Bent

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MTA SUBWAY

October 28th • Four Boroughs NYC

The New York subway system is the one of the oldest and biggest rapid transit systems in the world. It operates 24 hours a day and carries up to 6 million riders a day. It’s also one of the most democratized subways systems in the world. You can travel from the Far Rockaways to the top of Manhattan for the same fare as going one stop. It means those further out from a city center aren’t penalized in their pockets. But corruption, forlorn beat up stations and notorious shoddy service often overshadows its virtues. From late trains to an infrastructure in disrepair, it’s one of easiest things to hate in NYC. Yet think about the city without it, and NYC falls apart. It’s the cardiovascular system of the whole city. It’s what actually gets most of us to and from work, to school, to see friends, to get food, see art, go to the doctor. It’s where most of us encounter our share of uncurated experiences, where most of us meet the people we wouldn’t otherwise meet and it’s something all of us can complain about.

When Eliza Bent told us she was working on a musical about the MTA, it was a no brainer. On the day after the New York Subway’s 115 birthday, we met Eliza down in Coney Island to start off the journey. Without being an official host, we let the subway hold her 360 minutes. Starting at AM Rush Hour, Eliza took the D the whole way from Coney Island Brooklyn to Norwood Ave, the Bronx. From there she found her way to the A up in Inwood and traveled all the way down to the Rockaways, Queens. Here’s Eliza’s account of her day…

I was excited and expecting the unexpected. Was grateful for the accountability of starting out bright and early at Coney Island. This is the kind of thing I could do "any time" so having Dhira and Julia to show up for was very helpful. I also doubt I would have been as ambitious as the suggested itinerary. But it inspired me to go for it!

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Eliza in Rockaways.

From Coney Island to the Bronx I was just enjoying myself. Reading and getting some writing done. Then I stopped for a coffee and some scrambled eggs and took in the Bronx foliage. When I got into Manhattan I decided to get serious so I put on my hat that had a little sign "Ask me about my MTA play" and things picked up. Chatted with 5 people / groups total. First dude, Luis, I spoke with the longest from 145 st to Fulton. He suggested I include "weird trains no one rides" like the G and S. He thinks the play will be a great success and suggested I have it available on Youtube. Next dude I spoke with was mid 50s white business man who told me he "only works in NYC" and then said "you meet the strangest people on the subway." At York St I spotted two strangers talking to each other. I was drawn to the man's sweatshirt that said in huge letters "Cape Cod." The woman was Indian by way of Johannesburg. She told me she had thought New York would be better and is horrified everyone is on their phones. She and the man got off at Hoyt / Schemerhorn, wish I'd talked to them sooner. Deep into BK (after the A goes above ground) I spoke with a 70ish year old woman with an intimidatingly hip hair cut! She told me she calls herself "a subway girl." Originally from Japan she said how she loooooves the subway because of its flat fare. She also said people used to be more affectionate but that "drug culture" has impacted this. (She then gestured to shooting up her arm). The last person I spoke with appeared to be coming home from work. She rides the A "every day" and has seen all kinds of things "dancers, people asking for money, people like you." She said that it's always interesting when school gets out. These were thrilling convos but as an introvert I was wiped out so when it got to the shuttle bus portion I turned inward and was pretty solo the rest of the time.

Afterthoughts:

A pictorial postscript.

The C train over 50 years ago.

The C train over 50 years ago.

The C train today. Same train.

The C train today. Same train.

My day at Liebman's • Mordecai Walfish

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Liebman’s Deli

October 15th • The Bronx

There are delis in New York, and then there is Liebman’s. If you could slice nostalgia into a pie and serve it warm, Liebman’s is where you’d find it. On 235th St in the Bronx, it’s a journey to get to from any other borough. A pilgrimage even. Delicious food, staff that is attentive as a Mama Bear to her cub, and clientele that ranges from longtime locals to first time tourists.

We met Mordecai Walfish when he was a resident in 2017 at Garrard Conley’s Pulse of Narrative writing retreat. When he applied to the 360 residency with the pitch to write about food, his grandmother and growing up vegetarian and coming to a love of meat, we knew we had to pair him with an iconic Jewish deli. But which one? Katz’s? 2nd Ave Deli? They have their merits and their share of acclaim. Liebman’s is a little lesser known but no less worthy, like a National Park that not everyone has visited but is just as stellar.

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Mordecai spent the day there in residence. Here is his reflection:

There is an old Yiddish folk song called Bulbes that lovingly pokes fun at the Eastern European Jew’s overdependence on the potato. The song goes something like…

Sunday -- potatoes
Monday -- potatoes
Tuesday and Wednesday -- potatoes
Thursday and Friday potatoes
But on Shabbes something special
A potato kugel!
And Sunday – and so on – potatoes

Growing up in a militant vegetarian house, I wondered what – besides potatoes - my family would have eaten in pre-tofu Eastern Europe. Would we prioritize values or nourishment? 

In fact, roasted potatoes were a staple at our Shabbat Dinners growing up and boiled potatoes played a role at every Passover seder. We would eat them during the Karpas part of the seder experience, usually reserved for leafy green vegetables. My parents would joke that we would eat potatoes in honor of our Eastern European ancestors. Truth is we also ate them to fill ourselves up and gird ourselves for the 5 hours of pre-dinner, Passover storytelling ahead of us, with our beloved Matzo ball soup waiting for us at the other side of that experience. 

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In our house, food played a lot of different roles. 

Food as ritual
Food as nourishment
Food as “tiding you over” 
Food as an expression of values
Food as connection 
Food as family time 

Perhaps fittingly, I began my day of writing in residency at Liebman’s Deli through the Holes in the Wall Collective 360 Residency, with a fried Potato knish, a delicious and crispy appetizer just unhealthy enough to never have made an appearance in my childhood home. 

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Once I had mustered some post-knish hunger, I ordered a warm and savory bowl of Matzo ball soup. Like the soup of my childhood, my focus was entirely on the ball itself which I saved for last. Unlike the soup of my childhood, this had a chicken broth base which made the ball come alive in a whole new way for me. As in writing, so too in food – sometimes the broth – the container, the holding space – fundamentally changes the experience and opens you up to new possibilities. 

Since coming out to my family and the world as a non-vegetarian, food has taken on additional roles for me. 

Food as transgression 
Food as listening to my body 
Food as actualizing my possibility 
Food as queerness 
Food as fullness 
Food as the real thing
Food as individuation from my family 

I spent the better of the day writing about my family history, while nursing a massive, layered pastrami sandwich. While chewing on this never-ending sandwich, I wrote about “Cousin Stan,” a first-cousin of my grandfather who I discovered last year on Ancestry.com and connected with briefly, though never in person, before he unexpectedly died a few months later. The story has left me with gaping holes, open questions and missed opportunities. But instead of approaching this story through hunger and absence, I strived to bring to bear the abundance and generosity of the pastrami into telling this story. 

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In my parent’s house, meat was the forbidden fruit, but the house full of meat simulations. Monday night dinner was tofu “steaks,” Tuesday night dinner was spaghetti with tofu “Bolognese,” Wednesday was soy chicken nuggets and so on. I was sent to school with soy pastrami and was inevitably hungry even after ingesting this strange attempt at food. All I could taste was the simulation. 

I wonder what my ancestors would think of my writing some family history over a pastrami sandwich. Would they be proud or confused? Depends who you ask, I suppose. We have a history in my family of disappointing our parents, often through food. My grandmother was not impressed with my mom’s choice to become a vegetarian. As a Holocaust survivor who spent the war years subsisting on little more than potato peels and stale bread, the idea that her daughter would intentionally deny herself essential nutrients was beyond ridiculous and unacceptable. When, following the birth of her first child, my mother suffered from a hemorrhage, her mother bullied her into eating some chicken soup to restore her strength. 

That being said, she respected my mother’s choice to raise her family vegetarian and our monthly dinners at her table would include bourekas, soup, gnocchi and kugel – never any meat. When I would go visit my grandparents for a few days, I would go grocery shopping with them. I loved going to the deli shelf with my grandfather and watching him purchase kielbasa and cold cuts. But he would never pressure me to eat any of it.  

I had my first real deli sandwich in 2011. It was new. It was real. It was Jewish and it was mine. 

Like their parents before them, my parents were not pleased with my food choices. Meat has meant coming into myself while also separating myself from my family of origin as my parents themselves had done. And it ultimately meant asking to be loved for who I am. And receiving that love. 

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The owner of Liebman’s told me “ I thought you would be writing about your family’s deli history” but the truth is, Jewish delis are adjacent to my roots, rather than being central to them. My family moved to this part of the world after the heyday of the Jewish delis of the Lower East Side. My grandparents were bagel people. My parents were soy people. They would be disappointed to hear that the introduction of quinoa to the menu of Liebman’s was short-lived and unsuccessful. 

In my family there are narratives of both food scarcity and food abundance. In visits to our grandmother, who now has dementia, one of her most common refrains is “did you eat?” (the answer is always yes). There are also those in my family who fear having too much food, lest it go bad (which manifests in under-purchasing of food) and those who fear not having enough or eating the wrong thing. 

Some of us eat quickly so that our body fills up in haste, some of us eat slowly, wanting to savor every bite. 

My day at Liebman’s reminded me that food is about equal parts anticipation and taste; choice and possibility. Food is the most regular thing, but can also be the most exceptional. 

To me, the anticipation, that watering of the mouth is often the best part. It’s full of desire, the tastiest feeling of all. At Liebman’s, food is clearly about family and connection, which permeates through every interaction with the Liebman’s staff, every morsel and every customer who sat down for a meal. 

It was a joy to see the diversity of customers who broke bread together at Liebman’s. In so many cases, different generations dined together, raving about the food and talking about what they had in common. It reminded me of so many of our family’s shared, happy meals. What we shared in that moment, was more important than our different experiences with food. What mattered most was that we were together, nourishing each other with love first and foremost.

Liebman’s Delicatessen is located in the Bronx – 552 W. 235th St. (Johnson Ave.)
Give them a visit in person. Vegetarians welcome too.
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Afterthoughts:
Liebman’s is the kind of place you want to wrap yourself in and tell yourself it used to all be like that. But truth is- not everything used to be that way. It’s just that the things that last that are good feel all the more valuable. It should be noted that Liebman’s treated us and Mordecai to all our delicious fare. Not because they had to, but because real generosity comes when you have pride in what you do, and when it’s something you actually want to give. In a day and age where even the UN is telling us we should all be vegan to save the planet, and there are true merits to eating less or no meat, another side of saving humanity might be a Pastrami sandwich that is first brined, then seasoned, then smoked, then steamed. When care goes into food like that, especially meat, it brings some honor to the time taken to do something worth doing.
On rye of course. With mustard and pickles.

"the story is not over, not at all..." • Kelly Tanner

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St Ann & the Holy Trinity Church

August 14th • Brooklyn Heights

There are over 2,000 churches in NYC, with some of the oldest exquisite architecture in the city and some of the most prime real estate not turned into high rises in a constantly changing skyline. Churches are religious dwellings, but in NYC, they are often the places in this city that can hold gatherings, events, cultural happenings and sanctuary for migrants fearing deportation. St. Ann & the Holy Trinity Church is an Episcopal house of worship and community commons in Brooklyn Heights. In their own words- all are welcome to seek sanctuary and solace, follow a spiritual path, celebrate music and the arts, participate in civic discourse, and engage in service for the common good. Fresh off the heels of a 10-week extended run of Theater of War’s Antigone in Ferguson, a free production with a professional rotating cast and full chorus that brought thousands to the church this summer for performance and civic dialogue, St Ann’s continues to be an icon of a Brooklyn common house- a place where people come to engage.

Kelly Tanner was one of our first applicants, applying to work on a memoir about growing up Catholic. We asked her if she would want to do her residency in a church- if it would be helpful or triggering. After her emphatic yes, we thought, easy. We have 2,000 to pick from and most should have open doors. But some churches, especially traditional houses of worship, interpret openness differently. St Ann and the Holy Trinity Church has a small congregation of church goers but a huge community of people who engage with the space for the social and artistic events that bring people to the gorgeous Gothic Cathedral, built in at the end of the 19th century. Their event and space use manager Lauren met us the prior week to show us around and made sure Kelly had everything she needed for her micro-residency to feel comfortable and welcome. Father John also made himself available for questions and connection. Here are Kelly’s reflections:


The residency at St. Ann & the Holy Trinity Church was extraordinary. I have spent many hours of my life in churches, for celebrations, Mass, funerals, or just to seek out the good art, but never have I had the experience of having a space like that all to myself in order to create. Father John and the staff at St. Ann's were kind and welcoming. I had an hour and a half to myself to skulk around the space, take some photos, and find myself a corner to work. Then I started revision on a story I have been working on for the last several months. I spent some time with scissors, cutting the piece up to find the various moments and ideas, and started looking at what I had. Revision, for me, is all about trying to understand - what is this thing I have written? What is it trying to be?

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When I started the story, I thought it was a memoir piece about my complicated relationship to the church during my childhood (Catholic, though St. Ann is Episcopal.) However, wandering in the space that was so grand and yet so intimate and peaceful, I started making lists of moments I remembered, and new chapters not yet written, and I realized - the story is not over, not at all. Oh, heavens, might it be a book? Shhhh, I never said that; I'll never admit to it. But it is taking on more than I initially thought it would be, and far more interesting and nuanced than I had originally envisioned.

St. Ann's church is a beautiful, large cathedral, well suited to thinking some pretty big ideas about the world and our connection to it, and our human efforts to frame our understanding through narrative. The time absolutely flew by, and I came away with a new refuge, a notebook full of ideas, and a healthy start on revision. What fun; what a gift.

Whether or not one is religious, it is fortifying to see a church living out their gospel in the daily engagement of a community and a writer revising her own memories into an understanding of her life and the world.

Find out more about St Ann and the Holy Trinity Church and how and when to visit here.
Read some of Kelly’s writing here.

Afterthoughts:

There’s always a story behind a space. St Ann & the Holy Trinity Church has quite a history. In the 40s and 50s, the Reverend William Howard Melish was seen as a provocateur for supporting the National Council for American-Soviet Friendship, which was on Senator Joseph R. McCarthy's list of Communist organizations, and being associated with prominent Black Americans, W. E. B. DuBois and Paul Robeson. Some parishioners thought he was mixing church and politics, while others thought he was supporting the Judeo-Christian ideals of human rights and the right for dissenting opinion. After a bitter feud within the parishioners for 10 years, Rev Melish was ousted and the church was shuttered for 12 years. While the practice of maintaining friendly relations with the Soviet Union and being associated with black artists do not seem as radical now, especially in Brooklyn, at the time the divide was extreme, and communism was seen as a significant threat. Presently, our country is bitterly divided over immigration and the changing face of America being less white and less male-dominated. Churches have become some of the only places where providing sanctuary is protected, even from ICE agents. People have always used religion to pit against and come together. Spaces that preach openness but do not make you everyone feel welcome are unfortunately more common than not, but when a church fulfills the tenets of its doctrine, where people are encouraged to seek sanctuary and solace and engage in service for the common good, regardless of one’s religion or absence of religion, the ripples are felt throughout a community.

Recently Antigone in Ferguson, that played at St Ann’s for much of the spring and summer, was a successful and deeply moving example of following one’s moral convictions and taking action instead of making a martyr or a saint out of someone once they are already gone. We’re not far from the Red Scare of the 40s, where the fire of fear was set ablaze to divide and alienate one’s own neighbors against each other. In fact, history is happening now, and may look even worse in hindsight. As Kelly Tanner remarked, our memories and relationships with even painful things are complicated, and one thing doesn’t represent all the rest. The story is not over, not at all.

Being in Nature is helpful these days • Elyce Semenec

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New York Botanical Garden

August 10th • The Bronx

In NYC, green space is celebrated like water in a drought. Everyone in the city has ‘their park’ - Central, Prospect, Corona, Riverside, Tompkins, Washington Square, Van Cortlandt… and these beloved green spaces keep many of us with not enough space, air or bit of ground to put our feet to, from losing our cool. While the city parks democratize and calm a city restlessness with people and plants navigating the city together, the Botanic Garden acts like a living museum where people come to learn, conserve, and admire nature from all over the world. Founded in 1891 in the Bronx near the freshwater Bronx River, glacial rock gorges, and 50 acres of old-growth forest, the 250-acre Garden is the largest in any city in the United States. Like a museum, you can’t touch everything, climb on things, eat anywhere. But you can walk in one of the only old growth forests in NYC, see cacti you’d otherwise have to go across the world to see, stop to smell the roses, bask in perennials and be somewhere even in the middle of a giant metropolis where nature is the main attraction.

When Elyce Semenec, who teaches yoga and wellness in Brooklyn, and has a history in performance art and video, applied for the 360 residency, we knew the NYBG would be a perfect match to hold her latest project. Here are Elyce’s thoughts and photos from the day. To learn more about her work and follow her practice check out www.elycesemenec.com.

My photo project is titled Being in Nature is Helpful These Days. The project involves me spending time in nature in the urban environment and then taking self portrait photos of myself in setting, so I loved being at the NY Botanical Garden for my 360 Residency. Walking the grounds felt luxurious, as did my 6-hours dedicated to creativity. Sitting on various benches in the gardens with the sign reading "Resident in Progress" propped next to me helped to protect my time and my process. I think I will continue to use this sign in my everyday life to guard my creative time at home, where I'm also a single parent! I enjoyed what felt like an enormity of time to think and play around with my project; this a luxury I don't often have in my day to day life and it felt spacious. Being in nature is helpful these days and at the Botanical Gardens I was able to make some headway with the book aspect of my project and to add in some photos I didn't expect to be used. It was also wonderful to witness so many people enjoying their day by simply being outside in the Gardens amongst the trees, flowers, grasses and open sky.

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The NYBG, along with being an iconic living museum, supports research and conservation around the world and houses one of the preeminent Botanist libraries, the Mertz Library. The current exhibit Brazilian Modern: The Living Art of Roberto Burle Marx is their largest botanical exhibit ever and is on until the end of the September.

small actions add up • Robert Scheuering

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SIMS Materials Recovery Facility

August 9th • Sunset Park

Those of us who live in cities don’t really know where most things we interact with come from originally or go to after we’re done with them. Food and waste especially. We’ve all been taught the holy R’s of reducing, reusing and recycling at some point in our lives, and many of us dutifully separate our trash and recycling each week knowing a big loud truck will pick it up for us. But then what?

SIMS Municipal Recycling handles most of all the recycling in NYC picked up curbside by sanitation trucks. With a city of almost 9 million people, that’s quite a lot of recyclable material (around 250,000 tons a year). Located in Sunset Park on the water and overlooking the Manhattan skyline, the Brooklyn plant is the most state of the art and largest commingled recycling facility in North America. With an elevated pier for flood protection, the only commercial scale turbine in NYC, and a full education center for youth and adults alike (with activities like spin the job wheel to contemplate a different career in the recycling field), it makes for a unique blend of industrial powerhouse and green future integration.

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When Robert Scheuering applied to the 360 program as a sound artist, writing that he enjoys “really delving into, electronically altering, and sitting with sounds that seem boring to find something going on inside them that may have been overlooked,” we knew we had to find something worthy of the challenge. After being denied by the Hunts Point Meat Market (no outside visitors are allowed), we found SIMS Recycling Facility. Where else would be so excited to transform the crunch of metal and the electric whine of a giant crane into a creative process?

Kara Napolitano, the Outreach and Education Coordinator greeted us, gave us a mini-tour and explained some of the fundamentals of the sorting process. Visit for yourself - they have free monthly tours. Check them out here.

Here are Rob’s reflections and the piece he worked on during the residency:

My time at SIMS Municipal Recycling was spent recording, listening, and editing together sound. As someone who's never done a residency, it was a great feeling to know I had 6 hours dedicated just to making something. It was surreal to have time to dedicate after a regular work week.

It was a great experience to see the work that goes into recycling and the processes involved in sorting materials to prepare them for shipping. At first listen, the sounds of the facility were homogeneous. If you listened closely though, you could hear clinks and clanks of bottles, rustles of paper, and plastic sounds..

The connection I made from this experience is: combating the world's climate crisis needs to happen on an individual level as well as a systematic one. Individually, it is overwhelming, but small actions gradually add up. I felt like being in this space allowed me to reflect on the importance of individual action to combat climate change as well as the necessity of shifting systems that have allowed climate change to go unchecked. That said, I'm very grateful to have been given the opportunity to work in such an inspiring space.

Listen to the sound composition Robert made during his micro-residency.
He recommends listening through speakers or headphones:

Afterthoughts…

SIMS is not a Recycling plant per se- it’s a recovery plant that sorts materials and sends them places where they can be recycled. Actually recycling materials is not as easy as putting it in the bin and patting your back for a job well done. Fears of it all being a waste of resources and time, that recycling has ceased as we know it now that China isn’t buying our barges full of plastic are not completely unfounded.* But neither is swearing the whole thing off and cynically throwing your cans in the trash with a shrug of “doesn’t matter anyways,” The habit of recycling is actually the hardest to create, and now that we are used to separating our plastics, cardboard and glass, perfecting and improving the system to be more efficient and to have materials be designed with their return to the market in mind instead of as one-use throw-aways is the imperative. Do any reading from Cradle to Cradle material efficiency gurus like William McDonough & Michael Braungart and you realize how intensive the process of recycling actually is, sometimes creating more environmental harm than help. But also see how by widening the scope to think about recycling when something is designed, before it is made and is no longer needed by a consumer, can be the key to regenerative materials and economy. That’s one of our biggest reasons that Holes in the Wall Collective wants to make a Center for Research, Reflection and Action. To give time and space to people before the crisis to make the conditions not arise in the first place. And as Rob said, every little thing does add up. So keep recycling, sign up for our teaspoon brigade and when you can, opt to use something again or not at all instead of recycling it (buy bulk, use a water bottle, eat-in instead of take-out, buy something in your hood instead of from amazon, etc.) The more we are aware of where things come from and where they are going, the more we can do to make choices that matter.

*For the record, SIMS hasn’t been sending recyclable bales to China for quite some time, so they haven’t been in the pickle many other municipalities have found themselves in with the abrupt stop of receiving the glut of American plastics.